Chomp, Slam, Shove, Bang

I hated it when my grandmother would poke me in the back so that I would sit up straight or when in her all knowing nasal voice she would say "elbows off the table" or "only dogs stretch after a meal".

I grew up dreading the days I would have to spend at her house. Everything smelled old. Oil of Ulay, ittar and Capri soap still take me to her dressing table where touching her face powder puff would be the greatest indulgence she would provide me with. Other wise, nothing could intrude in the symmetry the couple lived in: other than when I slept between them.

It still makes no sense to me why our grandparents slept in the same room but on different single beds. What made my experience "curiouser" was my grandmother and grandfather slept on two single beds pushed together, and I, on my forced night-spends would sleep where the two beds met in an uncomfortable junction of protruding wood.

Years have passed since my firm yet extremely humble inobstrusive grandfather passed away and my mother and her siblings forced my grandmother into a life of dependence: Six months with every child, and no place to call home. Now, when I observe others as they chew, close doors, walk in a crowd or don't hold the door open for others, I guiltily reference them with my grandmothers categories of etiquette's.

I don't judge anyone with any specific standards, each person creates their own schema in my brain. No one is labelled according to material manifestations such as money or manners. I would, however, be dishonest if I say that the latter never crosses my mind.

Over the years, my friends, boyfriends and family members have fallen into the many shades of grey that manners spread across and some into the infinite blacks of disgusting behaviour and some into the pristine white of appearance keeping. While writing this, I tag people as they flop on the belt of categories that I just created in my head. It never crosses my mind to use this as an elimination tool.

Grateful I am though. Grateful that my grandmother taught me the entire array of Do's and Don'ts. I do not agree with all nuances of manners imparted to me.The very fact that they were all ingrained in my system allows me to choose when to use manners as a bar that I set and which manners to include in this measurement.